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Amy =)

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[26 Jun 2008|10:24am]
All i want is to have inner happiness, all i want is to smile and see things in a positive light.

I will make it nowhere if I continue with this..
[1let go what you waiting for? ]

raaaa!!!! [07 Feb 2008|04:42pm]
So I think its funny that I use this journal as a venting tool. I look through all my entries and I'm saying to myself.. damn I'm an angry person. Who would have thought? hahaha. I'm not though...thats the funny thing.

Well..today was retarded. Earlier I would have said it was a bad day, but now its just retarded. I go to the doctors because we need to talk about my blood work, and I wait for fucking everrrrrr to see him for 10 minutes (i love when that happens) and pretty much I have POS (polycystic ovary syndrome) which is nothing new to me, I have known this my whole post-pubescent life and quite frankly I'm fucking sick of it. Despite the hard evidence of ultra sounds which says I DO NOT have this, every doctor I have ever gone to tells me I do because my hormones say so. awesome.
I dont even know what my point is here, but I just wish someone would tell me already, "look, you need to do this, or take this, or research this" or give me a fucking clue as to what I can do to manage this!!!! Endocrinologist appointment here we go! Someone help me....

I just want a solution. I can work with a solution..not just a bunch of blah blah.

Besides this, I am dandy. Finally figured out I want to do Mental Health Counseling, and maybe do a dual program in Developmental Psych...I know they have this at FIU but I dont know about anywhere else. need to do more research on this..

AND I'm working with my mentor doing research and finally am getting started. I want to do measures on identity formation vs. role confusion and if there are any ties with substance use during this stage (since substance use is much higher during adolescents than any other time in the lifespan). I'm sooooo excited!!!!!

ah I'm gonna be late for class! I'll be back to vent another time I'm sure. heh
[1let go what you waiting for? ]

[10 Dec 2007|08:26pm]
so supposedly im not a very good friend...
thats strange to think that about myself..
what you waiting for? ]

waking up [26 Nov 2007|10:47am]
Back to anti-depressants/anxiety pills.

I can't bring myself up alone, I need some help. As much as I don't want it, I need it. maybe just for a short while?
[1let go what you waiting for? ]

[22 Oct 2007|09:24pm]
cannot take stupid, irrational, impulsive, lazy, unappriciative, babbling, self centered, ugly as fuckkkkkkk bitch anymore.. but of course...im stuck. awesome!!!!!!!!!
[1let go what you waiting for? ]

[07 Sep 2007|12:23pm]
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF BEING USED BY YOU. YOUR GOING TO GET NO WHERE IN LIFE IF YOU KEEP THINKING THAT IM GONNA DO IT ALL FOR YOU. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and knowing me...i will never confront the situation because i am an asshole. asshole.
but of course livejournal, you can have my venting. :)

also, i cant wait to graduate and get the fuck out of here. and so i dont have to see your face ever again. haha

angry amy.
what you waiting for? ]

eh why not. [04 Jun 2007|07:20pm]
its hard to explain how i feel these days. i think my anxiety is taking the best of me. and my obsessiveness. god how i wish for a moment i would just relax (without smoking) and not think about what to do with my life..every day its another thing..everyday i change, and think about all the other options i have..

fucking driving me insane.

school school school..what do i do with school? I'm not ready for grad school, but i am. I just want to dive into it, and learn all i can learn, but at the same time i have no clue as to what kind of psychology i want to do. social psych i love. i want to get my addictions certificate which is offered at UCF because i want to work with substance abuse problems and stuff like that..but im lost. so very lost..

and working this summer has turned into a big piece of fucking shit. UGH!!!!!!! How the hell am i going to get into this field if i cant even get a job.. im worthless. thats right.

and my samy..sometimes all i want to do is just leave with him. never come back and live our lives in the amazon or some shit. i'll become tribal, fuck the rest of this world..live one with nature. sounds pretty cool.

ah. im a mess...one day i'll figure myself out. day by day..

oh. and to add to more worthlessness..i gotta fucking loose the baby that is growing in my body. holy shit..i didnt think it was possible to gain so much weight in so little time. I'm just so awesome like that. hooray for more fat-assness. i love myself so much its incredible. hahahaaa
[4let go what you waiting for? ]

my boobs are officially small. [19 Dec 2006|03:19pm]
so. i got my reduction...and im in a lot of pain. A LOTTTTT. but i think im satisfied.

i feel so light!
[7let go what you waiting for? ]

THESE KITTENS NEED A HOME!!!! [11 Nov 2006|04:15pm]
These guys are males, super sweet and playful. SOMEONE PLEASE SAVE THEM OR ELSE THEY WILL BE PUT DOWN :(




what you waiting for? ]

because i think this is the most private place on the internet to express myself. [27 Oct 2006|08:55pm]
PROS
-im getting a reduction dec. 18th, finally.
-ive lost 30 pounds since may (and i find it absolutely hilarious when guys hit on me, because 30 pounds heavier they def. wouldnt, oh i love that shit)
-i feel better about myself
-i have real friends unlike some other people
-i have a job that i love
-i have a boyfriend that loves me through thick and thin
-i have a place that i love minus some things.
- i got a new laptop
- im generally happy
- im glad that my 2 best girlfriends are home, it helps a lot
-im going to be 21 in 33 days!!!!!

CONS
-I'm doing shitty in school for the first time in my life, and thats a huge blow to my self esteem.
-my friendship with someone dear to me is going down the drain and im too much of a pussy to confront him
-i cant handle people who have nothing else to say besides sad shit. makes me depressed too.
-i dont want to be invovled with pyschology anymore and thats just wonderful considering its my major
-i've done too many drugs, and now i feel compeltely non functional, but with that said im done with it. i've had my fun.
-my kitties are sick and its really making me nervous
-i still feel like a downer when im down, and cant talk to anyone.
-my grandma is still not doing as well as i wish she'd be.
-my goddamn electric bills are unbelieveable. (adding to the financial stresses)
-i cant sleep at my place
-i dont sleep very well anymore since i've stopped smoking
-and im getting my period.

yayayaaaa!!!!
im really not as miserable as it seems, its just one of those days where you just think about all the shit going on in your head and it needs to be released, and what better place than here b/c livejournal cant tell me that im an asshole! yay!
[4let go what you waiting for? ]

[12 Sep 2006|08:17am]
i feel so fucking empty inside. everything doesn't make sence anymore and i dont know what to do. with him things were perfect, except one thing. and that one thing has consumed me.

i know time heals all wounds, but i'm so sure that the things will never be the same within me.

despite what you think, i loved you more than anyone in my life, and i tried really hard just for you. i never wanted to hurt you. never ever.
what you waiting for? ]

UPDATE BECAUSE IM LAME..AND AM WAITING FOR SAMY TO BRING ME FOOD! [16 Jul 2006|12:57am]
SO!
1. I have finally moved EVERYTHING out of my apt, and into the duplex. GOD I AM SO EXCITED IM HERE, AND I FEEL HAPPIER HERE IN 3 DAYS, THAN I EVER FELT AT THE APT. Moby and VOODOO have adjusted to it and looveee it to (they have a huge hallway to run back and forth as fast as they want) heh :)
2. I GOT A JOB. FINALLY. AND AT THE VET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'm working with animals everyday, bathing, cleaning, walking, chillin..oh man..its a fucking dream. I've learned SO much already. I cant wait to continue and possibly get trained to be a tech!
3.I QUIT MY INSURANCE JOB! YAYAYAY!!!! ...and she sent me my last paycheck without taxes taken out!! woot woot.
4.chilllinnn, everything is fantastic. I've lost a total of 15 pounds in 2 months. go me! another 30 before i get a boob reduction! :))))
5. we just got acid! hahaha...this summers theme is acid.. good lord.
6.vicki found gwenn lol
7.I love my boyfriend :) even though he's a butthole. mwa!!!
8. NICE YUMMY PIZZA SLICE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE


PRAY FOR ISRAEL. <3
what you waiting for? ]

[07 Jul 2006|11:15am]
I found a lost kitty 2 days ago while i was moving into my new place. If anyone would be interested or anyone you know would be interested in a male, all black, 8-10 week kitten pleaseeee let me know! I really want him to go to a good home because he is just such an amazing little guy.

[2let go what you waiting for? ]

[05 Apr 2006|10:07pm]
ok so i decided that I'm just going to use livejournal to post pictures, but only because i dont know how to do it on myspace, and its easier to do it on here. WARNING...PICTURES ARE EXTREMELY SHITTY, TAKEN WITH DISPOSABLE CAMERAS BECASUE MY DIGITAL IS BROKEN. :( WE ONLY GOT 40 PICTURES OUT OF MORE THAN 70. thanks to jenny who saved some of the pictures, and for taking pictures. same to samy for taking pictures.
ULTRA!!!!!!!!!!!!
so here we go with ultra 8Collapse )</lj-cut)
[9let go what you waiting for? ]

[05 Feb 2006|01:06am]
GOODBYE LIVEJOURNAL. I HAVE CONCLUDED THAT I AM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT. IF YOU ARE A TRUE FRIEND, YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE THROUGH ME, NOT THROUGH THIS.

IF YOU HAVE A MYSPACE AND WANT TO KEEP IN TOUCH SOMEHOW, I'M THERE.

ITS BEEN A FUN 4 YEARS.

PEACE.
[2let go what you waiting for? ]

[04 Feb 2006|05:44am]
tonight samy, me, jen, nick and my brother piled into the car to go to the beach. we never made it there, but we are sure FUCKING LUCKY to be alive.

thank you mother nature for keeping us here..

i cant go to bed..i am so shaken up.
[16let go what you waiting for? ]

[30 Jan 2006|01:22pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I just want something I can never have.......

[2let go what you waiting for? ]

another shitty morning at my place. [24 Jan 2006|07:46am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I honestly hate sleeping at my apt because i know that in the morning these motherfucking assholes make as much noise possible right outside my window. EVERY. FUCKING. MORNING. 7 O CLOCK. and then they'll stop by this time, and guess what?? amy cant fall back asleep. HOW FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!
So this morning I must go to work 9-12:30 and then to school from 2-7:40.

I am really not happy with my schedual. Working at 9 in the morning doesnt make it any better, and I'm just exausted.

I'm sorry I complain. I probably shouldnt because it wont change anything.

I want to quit..but I need to pay my bills. I want to get more invovled with something that matters to me but im not sure how to look for that. =/ eh. right now life is a bit frustrating.... and i need to go see a psychiartrist immediately before i go insane.

[1let go what you waiting for? ]

University of Colorado at Boulder [16 Jan 2006|11:21pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

I have never been so excited about a college in my life..

so this is the feeling that everyone has when they go search for the college that they feel like suits them the best.

wow..i will end up here.

me and my baby.

what you waiting for? ]

[23 Dec 2005|11:09am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

OH MY GOD! I cannot believe it! I got a B in MATH!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
final grades
approaches to lit: A
Theory of personality: A
Chemistry and society: B
Finite Math: B

MY GOD. I'M SO HAPPY AND SO PROUD OF MYSELF. YAYYYY

Hope everyone is having a good break.

[2let go what you waiting for? ]

Marijuana.. [12 Dec 2005|11:27pm]
I cant really take it anymore. This OBSESSION WITH WEED. THERE IS NO FUCKING BIG DEAL. IF YOU MAKE IT A BIG DEAL, ITS A FUCKING PROBLEM. IF YOU CANT GO ONE DAY WITHOUT IT..ITS AFUCKING PROBLEM. WHEN YOUR LIFE REVOLVES AROUND IT...ITS A FUCKING PROBLEM. CHILL THE FUCK OUT. YOUR NOT FUCKING COOL BECAUSE YOU SMOKE. YOUR NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE IF YOU SMOKE. YOU ARE NOT A GANGSTER, OR A POTHEAD OR ANYTHING THAT SOCIETY SAYS YOU ARE. YOU ARE YOU BEING CONSUMED BY SOMETHING THAT YOU DO NOT NEED ALL OF THE FUCKING TIME. DONT FUCKING ABUSE IT. USE IT LEISURLY. USE IT TO THE POINT WHERE YOU YOU DO NOT BECOME NOTHING WITHOUT IT.

PERSONALLY..I LIKE SMOKING. I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS BUT I HAVE NOT LET IT FUCKING RULE MY LIFE. RULE MY CONVERSATIONS. RULE MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT. WAHT THE FUCK. SMOKE, HAVE A GOOD TIME. CHILL. HAVE A GOOD TIME. BUT PLEASE DONT LET IT BECOME A FUCKING PROBLEM. I'M SEEING THIS ALL AROUND ME, AND ITS REALLY MAKING ME SAD/ANGRY.

SO MANY PEOPLE WHO HAD SO MUCH MORE THAN BEING A "POTHEAD" GOING FOR THEM, ARE JUST TURNING INTO FUCKING WEED MACHINES. GOD. FUCK. SHIT. UGH.

THIS IS REALLY NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE BUT I JUST NEEDED TO VENT BECAUSE I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
[5let go what you waiting for? ]

[30 Nov 2005|05:07pm]
i wanna kill myself..just a little bit.

:)
[2let go what you waiting for? ]

so I'm 20? [29 Nov 2005|03:34pm]
[ mood | content ]

Today hasnt been the most miserable day of my life...(like the majority of my birthdays).. Kathrine(my birthday buddy) called me around midnight lastnight, she turned 21 and went to get alcohol and they didnt fucking card her!!!!! ahh thats so shitty.

Samy is going to take me out tonight..after math class. So I'm hoping that will be fun. :) i get presents from jen and him too. yayy

I have to say that this past weekend was just...wow. There are no words for me to explain how awesome, ridiculous, insane, fun, and overall just happy this weekend was with everyone home and nonstop chilling, and even being with the fam. That night at Nicks was so touching, yeah it was corny but what group of friends DO THAT SHIT!?!? (if you were not there, we went around in a circle saying what we were thankful for) and..ah to end it off my birthday partay where most of my friends could make it and join the fun. and it doesnt matter that it got broken up at 11ish because shit..people were puking by 6:30. lol

so...i have accumulated pictures from everyone. I'm an idiot and didnt take any pictures, but here we go.Collapse )

[8let go what you waiting for? ]

This is Samy [29 Nov 2005|03:00am]
[ mood | happy ]

This goes out to my baby love for 1.8 years now and hopefully times 100...i love her so very dearly with all my heart and have learned much from her experiences without me and i have learned a lot from experiencing things with her. We fight like everyone does but not once have i gone to sleep hating her or feeling against her. I think that is something that is not found everyday, where happiness rules the day no matter what just by looking into her beautiful eyes and seeing her beautiful smile. i love her very very much and i would do anything for her. i hope she has a beautiful birthday and i hope i can only make it better...mwa mwa mwa i love you Amy.
Love,
Samy

[3let go what you waiting for? ]

[21 Nov 2005|09:38pm]
mannnn!!!! i've been so happy lately. its like...crazy yo. :D weee!

8 days till my birthday. ohoh.
what you waiting for? ]

[14 Nov 2005|11:30am]
[ mood | giddy ]

fine. I see how it is. No one likes The Prodigy. well you all suck. a lot. :P

Happy Anniversary to meeeeee. 20 months baby. goddaaaamnnnnn

and happy anniversary to Ari. hehe <3 what is it now..like.. two years and 8 months..? wow

everyone will be here in almost a week!!!!

[7let go what you waiting for? ]

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [13 Nov 2005|12:50pm]
[ mood | COMPLETELY SHOCKED!!!!!! ]

I MUST TELL THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 MARCH 25, 2006 ULTRA MUSIC FESTIVAL IS MOTHERFUCKING FEATURING THE PRODIGY FUCKING LIVE!

THE PRODIGY!!!!!!! THE PRODIGYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

 OH MY GOD. NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO COME BITCHES. NO FUCKING EXCUSE OR ELSE I WILL BUY YOUR TICKET AND YOU WILL GO!

[1let go what you waiting for? ]

[10 Nov 2005|08:45am]
i love love love waking up in the morning and seeing his adorable squishy face. :D
[5let go what you waiting for? ]

[07 Nov 2005|09:57pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So I'm having a dilema. Originally I was planning my birthday party to be on the 26th of November at Silver Sands Resort on the key(saturday, the last day/night that everyone will be here for) but Bang Music Festival which is from 11-12am on the 26th has just announced that Fischerspooner will be playing, and oh my god would I love to see Fischerspooner with some of my friends who'd be willing to go and its only 25 bucks!..but I dont know what I should do..
-should I go to Bang and reschedual my party for the 25?
-should I go to Bang and have it during winter vacation?
or- should I not go and hope they come back sometime soon?

hmm. i dont know. you tell me.

[5let go what you waiting for? ]

I'm Jesus Christ on ecstacy. [02 Nov 2005|11:12pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

I said that things probably couldn't go more wrong with going to voodoo, but hahaaaaa. it did actually. So we get the Memphis, go to the motel, unpack, and go to downtown (Beale St)and this place is pretty cool. Old southern look..i like that. I've never really been in the south, besides NC but that doesnt count. So we pretty much walk around, see a movie, and go to dinner..(southern ribs are fucking amazing btw) and then go to see Ivan Neville Dumpstafunk, which was awesome..and we were going to see the Neville Brothers but I got really tired for some reason and plus we'd have to wake up early to get to voodoo.
Next day wake up at 9 and get to autozone park at 10, get our tickets, and finally we're in! we made it..nothing could go wrong now..right? WRONG! See..the stages were on the field, and you know..everyone knows General Admission is general admission..you can go anywhere..well obviously i was mistaken. Samy and I walk to the entrance to the field to get right in the front where Nine Inch Nails would be playing and wait there until they were scheduled to play..8:15pm. We give the guy our tickets and he is like "I'm sorry but these tickets are everywhere but the field, your welcome to sit anywhere you'd like." UHHHH. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY. I HAVE ALREADY LOST ABOUT 150 DOLLARS GETTING HERE AND YOUR GOING TO TELL ME THAT NOW I CANT EVEN GET ON THE MOTHERFUCKING FEILD BECAUSE NO ONE EVER INFORMED ME THAT THERE WERE ANY OTHER TICKETS BUT GA!?!?! I'M SORRY BUT IM NOT TRAVELING ALL THE WAY FROM FLORIDA TO SEE MY FAVORITE BAND PLAY FROM A MILE AWAY. OHHH. I DONT THINK I'VE EVER BEEN SO PISSED OFF IN MY LIFE. We went down to talk to someone who was in charge of ticketing, but these fuckers had nothing to do with those cocksuckers at ticketmaster, and told us that there was NOTHING they could do. MIND YOU THE FIELD TICKETS AND GA WERE THE SAME PRICE! They could not refund them or anything..and these stupid tickets cost me almost 100 dollars. DOWN THE DRAIN. So I had to spend another 70 dollars for tickets for field... wow..what an adventure. Anyway..enough of me ranting.

in the end...Nine Inch Nails were beyond incredible.. we waiting right at the barricade for 13 hours..and the minute I saw Trent I was so happy that we finally were living this moment after waiting for this day since July.

So here are the pictures!Collapse )

[10let go what you waiting for? ]

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